Waking Up to Adoration

Today I choose to love and appreciate myself, and honor the exquisite life for which I’ve been blessed.

I didn’t always feel this way.  My personal struggle has been to live authentically when my addictive tendencies have pulled me into darker times and inner places where I felt truly lost from myself.

It used to be the norm for me to abandon and mistreat my body and spirit with over-reliance on alcohol and substances to show up for life.

I was in a romantic relationship for years where I felt I was continually abandoning myself, but couldn’t find the strength to leave.  Friends and loved ones in my life always told me I deserved better, but there was some part of me that didn’t believe it, and I kept myself chained to a painful cycle of emotional abuse, in which I was a willing participant, for much longer than I care to admit.

It took years of inner work and transformation to put back the pieces of myself that I had scattered throughout this time of emotional wreckage and self-inflicted pain.

I am so grateful to be the woman I am today, because I chose to become her.

What I learned from these experiences is part of my mission to share with others.  I know what it is like to be stone-cold sober from substances and still hit demoralizing emotional bottoms.  I know the feeling of wanting desperately to blame “someone,” but recognizing the finger points back to me at the end of the day.

It wasn’t until I learned how to cooperate with my internal reality that I was finally able to transcend it.  And it wasn’t until I learned to flood those hurt and rejected parts within myself with my own loving and compassion, that true healing began to occur within me.

That is why life today requires excellent care of self on all levels.  After waking up to adoring myself, not from the ego but from a deep place of soul recognition -  that I am a being worthy of Love simply by existing - everything changed.

In my eyes, awakening and fortifying this inner awareness is true Spiritual Gold, as once discovered and owned, it can never be taken away.

From this recognition, in my experience, we can learn to minister to ourselves in profoundly loving ways.  This honor and respect begins not only with the physical body, but also my behaviors, habits, inner thoughts, and voice with self.  I ask myself regularly if my outer relationships are reflective of the loving within my own heart.  Am I seeing the value that I hold for myself mirrored outwardly?

To go from constant self-doubting and criticizing to self-appreciation, and being willing to see the beauty of my being while supporting myself in positive ways, has been the most miraculous journey I’ve ever experienced.  The more I do this, the more I am also able to assist others to do the same in laying the foundation for their truest selves to emerge.

This is why I also love working with women -  no matter how far along they find themselves on the scale of suffering – on their awakening and healing journeys.

If you have an aching soul, you can make this choice to take a stand for yourself and your heart, forfeiting the inauthentic games and returning to your Truth.  You too can participate in your life and show up fully.  If I can do it, you absolutely can too.

We awaken together, we arise, we learn from each other, and keep rising higher.

Trust the love in your own heart, and its most fine, unique manifestation yearning to be expressed.

Your Holy Truth

It takes great courage to unleash the holy truth of our essential natures. 

To do so, in my experience, requires the continual slaying of dragons by relinquishing the barriers that keep me in separation from my Heart.

It also means using experiences, especially the obstacles, tests and hurdles, in life for growth and learning, so that I can continually propel my soul forward on its path of evolution, instead of getting stuck in negativity and emotions of againstness.  These thoughts often run in the form of “this shouldn’t be happening,” “why is this happening to me?,” “life is so unfair because…”

Having lived through the bottoms of many addictions myself, I know all too well the territory of being broken inside.  I know the feeling of waking up in terror at the idea of living another day of empty existence.  Of feeling lonely surrounded by people, and unfulfilled no matter what accomplishments I achieved that society would normally deem “successful.”

By dedicating myself to the path of spiritual awakening, and assisting others in their transformations, I can use these years of suffering in service.  We are born from our own experiences.  It is hard to imagine the broken path unless you have lived it.  But it is absolutely possible to pick oneself up at any moment, with commitment and willingness – no matter how far along you find yourself on the scale of suffering.

Take a minute today to create a quiet moment for yourself.  Block out any noise that may be happening around you.  Look into your own eyes in the mirror.  Take 10 seconds to look into the eyes staring back at you.  Who is this person?  What do they need? What do they desire?  If you could take one step in taking action on the answers you hear, what would it be?  Don’t judge with the ego/mind what comes up – just receive it without any qualification.  Are you willing to follow through on this step?

We must keep shining, awakening, growing and healing together.  It is always a choice.  What greater spiritual calling could exist than to demonstrate our freedom by unlocking the magnificence of our souls and living into this awareness fully – without judgment but with great heart?

Living with Heart

How does one live a heart-centered life?

For me, it means clearing away the inner debris that blocks the recognition of my soul and ability to live in attunement with my Heart’s inner wisdom and knowing.

I personally have lived in desperate states of addiction, and can say there is nothing more frightening than to lose oneself in the outer world, living in bondage to inner demons.  It used to be impossible for me to sit with myself in my own room and hear the silence.  My addict mind tried everything in its power to escape itself, including men, financial binging, drugs and alcohol.

What I realized in getting through to the other side of this self-destructive world, is the priceless gift of connecting to my center within.  The center will not lie and is the truth that I return to for constant alignment and support.  These are the connection pathways with which I love assisting clients in creating for themselves.  When we know how to lift ourselves out of the ashes, we become sacred companions to ourselves.  Our hearts receive joy, connection, and inspiration simply by the gift of our beings.  The heart then becomes a magnetic force to which our souls yearn to experience more of.

At the end of the day, in my eyes, the physical world is limiting.  We can only go so far.  But consciousness is bountiful and never-ending.  We can access these powerful access points within ourselves.  For me, this means accessing peace no matter what outer circumstance is happening around me.  This is a high order in a society where we’re mostly conditioned to look outside of ourselves for answers and validation.  How ironic that for all the searching externally, the greatest peace is within our own hearts.
    
This center of peace and calm is within us all, and I believe it is all of our divine callings to reside within this place as much as possible.  When we get “off course,” no matter what the issue, I am so grateful for and humbled by the ability to steer myself back home.

Stuck

I was reflecting the other day on how stuck I used to feel with everything in life. At one point, as an active addict, I was stuck in bottles. Stuck in powder. Stuck in addictive cycles and relationships that chained me to patterns I never thought I could break free from.

Over time, once I set these painful addictions down, which was a journey all onto its own, I alarmingly started to see how I could become "stuck" in multiple other ways as a human being on this earth. Stuck in my thinking, obsessive and compulsive behaviors, and cycles of worry and guilt that would leave my stomach churning with the thoughts I was feeding myself. It was still my default mechanism for my brain to play those cards - jealousy, resentment, anger, worry, fear and guilt - and I could play them all too well. Nobody was winning in this equation however except the aspects of my ego that sought to keep me down and play small.

It is only through the work in consciousness that I have learned the process of setting myself free inwardly of these painful patterns. The most powerful learning of all, in my eyes, has been witnessing how breaking free from these limitations lets the power of my own soul to emerge. It has room to breathe and explore. It can bust through the old BS, flourish, shine and "be." Turns out I have a penchant for throwing on costumes in my apartment and dancing to house music (anyone with me?!) What a humbling awareness to recognize I likely never would have REALIZED!! this precious fact if I hadn't done the work to excavate my spirit from within. I would have missed out on the life that is happening within me. I wouldn't have met and rejoiced in consciously greeting the all-encompassing power of my Soul.

The issue of personal universe and discovery holds the greatest interest to me and my heart, and it is the work I love doing with others in assisting them to lay down their limitations so they can experience the freedom of living within. After years of being stuck, feeling the freedom of my inner being is one of the most precious gifts I've ever lived. How can you dip into your own soul today? What makes your soul and spirit feel ALIVE and awakened?

“You have seen my descent. Now watch my rising.”

— Rumi