So You're a Perfectionist. Click here for more. →

So you're a perfectionist.  I so relate, and freedom is possible!

Click on the header above to access my latest Facebook video.  My workshop is designed to give women powerful healing and tools around this pattern in consciousness. This will be an intimate group of six women and a powerful container for transformation to happen.  Message me at bonne@bonnechancecoaching.com for more details on how to apply.

Saturday, August 13, 2-5 PM

San Francisco, Marina District

$75

Had enough with Perfectionism? I hear you! Click here to learn more. →

Ready to let go of perfectionism and experience a more relaxed, peace and joy-filled way of being?

I hear you!  This workshop is open to 6 women only and will be a powerful container for transformation to happen.

Click on the header above to access my latest Facebook video to learn more how perfectionism might be playing out for you and the healing that is possible.

Saturday, August 13, 2-5 PM

San Francisco, Marina District

$75

I Call the Perfectionism Bluff and I Love Ever More

I've been having quite a bit of fun preparing my workshop on overcoming perfectionism that I'll be giving at the upcoming Spirit Weavers gathering the first two weeks in June.

The title of the class: Self-Celebration: Overcoming Perfectionism and Loving Who We are Right Now!

Of course it is no accident this is the topic I'm speaking on. Oh, but of course.  

As a recovering perfectionist myself, I know this terrain all too well. And I have to say, it's been some of the most challenging curriculum I have endeavored in my consciousness work.

Why? Because at some point, my ego had really bought into this idea that perfectionism was possible. And it thought it had solid "evidence" to support its theories that truly, if I was just evolved and "perfect" already, all will be well and I will be merrily living my life with unshakable confidence, without any uncomfortable feelings or thoughts along the way.

My incredibly zealous, ambitious perfectionist asks, if I had less cellulite on my body, wouldn't I be blissfully dapper every morning, bounding out of bed? And I must be doing something terribly wrong with my spiritual business, if Oprah hasn't called me in yet for Super Soul Sunday? (Yes this high-expectation perfectionist aims pretty high).

I find it symbolic with my house cleaning - my favorite task is to grab the Mr. Clean magic eraser and grandly scrub away at the walls, in an attempt to maintain the pristine purity of all surfaces.

I hope this might give you a chuckle, as it does for me. I am sharing with great tenderness for my perfectionist self, that so earnestly bought into the idea self-value needs to be proven. For buying into the greatest of illusions – that "being perfect" is even real.

These perfectionist/high expectation thoughts can be quite seductive, and in the past, I was completely tortured by them, until I learned how to work with a spiritual solution. Because ultimately, the house of cards, built of illusions, tumbles down when I realize where they ALL come from - the voice of judgment. In this recognition, I always breathe a deep sigh of relief.

This is the voice of againstness, of not enoughness, and impatience. It does not give healing love to my vulnerable parts that need my loving assurance the most.

It is in the present moment where I can give myself the space to accept all of me. The part that worries, the part that fears, the part that dreads, the part that bought into the idea it's not enough. The part that compares and despairs and feels insecure.

These darling aspects must be brought into the sanctity of my heart and loving, where they will be met with unconditional loving and compassion.

Because there is no "out there," only here. And I have learned from my time on the planet so far that discomfort will not kill me, it only makes me expand into greater awareness of the Loving Being that I am, and that I believe we all are.

So in the moments my ego charges out, wanting to judge or criticize, I keep calling it's bluff and love ever more.

I invite you to do the same. Our inner worlds are of the upmost importance, and the words we tell ourselves matter.

What is a part of you that if you think was different, you would be "perfect"? Are you willing to see through the illusion and call the bluff – and even more, CELEBRATE your sacred, beautiful self instead? I submit that you are too divine and beloved to be caught in the illusions of the perfectionism charade.

The Journey Home

Nothing fascinates me more than reflection on the journey back home to God.

It is why I have dedicated my life to the pursuit of spiritual studies and growth.

It is also why I created a coaching practice, where I lead others into their own internal freedom and assist to empower them in making positive and lasting changes in their lives. 

I personally do not believe we need to physically die to experience the riches of Heaven – liberation and peace are here for the taking.  One of my core values is the belief that despite any story or past we have endured, healing and transformation can happen.

The following are some of the tools that assist me most:

1) The daily act of surrender – where I continue to forfeit my own ideas for the possibility of a greater divine plan.  I’ve been facing some disappointments lately, where the timing and unfoldment of some events did not match up with my own human ideas.  I remind myself what I ask clients – what about the possibility that there is another possible plan?  Often it is not option A or B, but the unimagined option C (I also like to call this “God’s Option C”).  

2)  Living unabashedly as myself.  As a recovering addict, I KNOW the terrain of masquerading.  I KNOW the terrain of Fake-Town - saying one thing and doing or meaning another. Once I put down these drugs of manipulation, Grace came in so I could line up in my own power and show up in my fullness.  This is an experience NOT to be missed!  It is also a continually humbling, awe-inspiring process to drop the masks and show up authentically, letting my freak flag shine.  We all have our exquisitely unique expression and contribution that the world needs to see – who are we to not share this divine gift with others? 

3)  Using everything in life – everything – for upliftment.  This can be a hard one when I find myself seemingly stuck in the mud.  This is an incredibly precious tenet however that keeps me focused on my North Star.  By looking for the learning in each experience, I know I am utilizing my earth curriculum for spiritual growth.  I personally could not have achieved this without some great teachers, coaches, and support.  If you are looking for help, do not hesitate to find this for yourself.  Sometimes we most need a mirror who can lovingly reflect back to us our vulnerable spots and where opportunities for greater freedom reside. 

At the end of the day, my bottom line is endeavoring to always maintain the awareness that every moment of life can be used for conscious awakening of my journey back home.  I don’t need to wait – the invitation is now.  And I ask you, if you are struggling with an issue you would like to heal, why wait?  Liberation is here for the taking and the Grace to make it happen, when we take those steps toward it, is abundantly available.

Waking Up to Adoration

Today I choose to love and appreciate myself, and honor the exquisite life for which I’ve been blessed.

I didn’t always feel this way.  My personal struggle has been to live authentically when my addictive tendencies have pulled me into darker times and inner places where I felt truly lost from myself.

It used to be the norm for me to abandon and mistreat my body and spirit with over-reliance on alcohol and substances to show up for life.

I was in a romantic relationship for years where I felt I was continually abandoning myself, but couldn’t find the strength to leave.  Friends and loved ones in my life always told me I deserved better, but there was some part of me that didn’t believe it, and I kept myself chained to a painful cycle of emotional abuse, in which I was a willing participant, for much longer than I care to admit.

It took years of inner work and transformation to put back the pieces of myself that I had scattered throughout this time of emotional wreckage and self-inflicted pain.

I am so grateful to be the woman I am today, because I chose to become her.

What I learned from these experiences is part of my mission to share with others.  I know what it is like to be stone-cold sober from substances and still hit demoralizing emotional bottoms.  I know the feeling of wanting desperately to blame “someone,” but recognizing the finger points back to me at the end of the day.

It wasn’t until I learned how to cooperate with my internal reality that I was finally able to transcend it.  And it wasn’t until I learned to flood those hurt and rejected parts within myself with my own loving and compassion, that true healing began to occur within me.

That is why life today requires excellent care of self on all levels.  After waking up to adoring myself, not from the ego but from a deep place of soul recognition -  that I am a being worthy of Love simply by existing - everything changed.

In my eyes, awakening and fortifying this inner awareness is true Spiritual Gold, as once discovered and owned, it can never be taken away.

From this recognition, in my experience, we can learn to minister to ourselves in profoundly loving ways.  This honor and respect begins not only with the physical body, but also my behaviors, habits, inner thoughts, and voice with self.  I ask myself regularly if my outer relationships are reflective of the loving within my own heart.  Am I seeing the value that I hold for myself mirrored outwardly?

To go from constant self-doubting and criticizing to self-appreciation, and being willing to see the beauty of my being while supporting myself in positive ways, has been the most miraculous journey I’ve ever experienced.  The more I do this, the more I am also able to assist others to do the same in laying the foundation for their truest selves to emerge.

This is why I also love working with women -  no matter how far along they find themselves on the scale of suffering – on their awakening and healing journeys.

If you have an aching soul, you can make this choice to take a stand for yourself and your heart, forfeiting the inauthentic games and returning to your Truth.  You too can participate in your life and show up fully.  If I can do it, you absolutely can too.

We awaken together, we arise, we learn from each other, and keep rising higher.

Trust the love in your own heart, and its most fine, unique manifestation yearning to be expressed.

An Invitation to Liberation

This is an invitation to liberation. 

You don’t need to wait for circumstances to perfectly align to begin the work of transformation and inner freedom.

You don’t need to wait for the light to strike you down or to hear the voice of Spirit calling your name.  You don’t need to wait for a crippling illness or broken relationship.

You can begin NOW.

In fact, on God’s watch, it is said this is the only time that truly matters.

I know for me, I wasted years in unnecessary suffering, so scared to look into my eyes in the mirror.  I was afraid of what I would find.  I spent years stuck and waiting for the answers to drop from the sky.

I truly believed life had to be endured.  There are very few things more tormenting than living in active addiction.  I know the territory of inner demons like the back of my hand.

The process of liberation is a mysterious one, but I know it is worth it.  When I finally met myself, and started the process of my inner work, true transformation began to occur.

We must begin now.  If I can do it, so can you.  How much time did I spend in the past, avoiding reality.  I used to be the girl that would escape through booze, mind-altering substances, and men.  Once I put down the substances, I had a whole other set of drugs that took their place – fear, worry, self-doubt, criticism, guilt, shame, and self-generated pain.  I could run those stories until I started really believing the lies in my head.  How frightening to live trapped in a fantasy of my own delusions!  It seems like a lifetime away, but I will never forget living that hour-to-hour torment.

Today, reality is quite appealing, and I have very little desire to escape what’s going on in front of me.  Even when it’s painful, uncomfortable, embarrassing or heartbreaking (or all combined, all at once!), there is a certain comfort my heart takes in showing up fully and embracing the life around me.

What happened?

I did the inner work to find myself.  I started to undo the layers of againstness I had built around me.  I started to accept my emotions and realize they wouldn’t be the death of me.  Slowly, my soul started to reveal its special magnificence, the discovery of which I believe is the birthright of all of us on this planet.

The process surely wasn’t always comfortable, as I had to be willing to sit with my mind, to get to know parts of myself that I had stuffed down and buried.  But in putting back these pieces of my soul, I was able to break free of the illusions that bound me.  And then the accompanying feelings of despair, hurt, sorrow, and distress, began to float away.

Our actions keep us free in this game of life.  The physical world tells us the answer is “out there,” but buying into this misbelief robs us of the awareness of the gifts of our spirits.

 Our spirits are everlasting and our true source of power.  We can learn tools to exercise our freedom by connecting to our spirit within, and use life for awakening and upliftment.

 My invitation is for each of us to live liberated, unscripted lives, where we are free to shine our radiant selves.  From there, we can start painting the picture of infinite possibilities for each of our destinies.

How can you awaken more of your inner strength today?  Are you ready to break free of any illusions and accept this freedom invitation NOW?

Your Holy Truth

It takes great courage to unleash the holy truth of our essential natures. 

To do so, in my experience, requires the continual slaying of dragons by relinquishing the barriers that keep me in separation from my Heart.

It also means using experiences, especially the obstacles, tests and hurdles, in life for growth and learning, so that I can continually propel my soul forward on its path of evolution, instead of getting stuck in negativity and emotions of againstness.  These thoughts often run in the form of “this shouldn’t be happening,” “why is this happening to me?,” “life is so unfair because…”

Having lived through the bottoms of many addictions myself, I know all too well the territory of being broken inside.  I know the feeling of waking up in terror at the idea of living another day of empty existence.  Of feeling lonely surrounded by people, and unfulfilled no matter what accomplishments I achieved that society would normally deem “successful.”

By dedicating myself to the path of spiritual awakening, and assisting others in their transformations, I can use these years of suffering in service.  We are born from our own experiences.  It is hard to imagine the broken path unless you have lived it.  But it is absolutely possible to pick oneself up at any moment, with commitment and willingness – no matter how far along you find yourself on the scale of suffering.

Take a minute today to create a quiet moment for yourself.  Block out any noise that may be happening around you.  Look into your own eyes in the mirror.  Take 10 seconds to look into the eyes staring back at you.  Who is this person?  What do they need? What do they desire?  If you could take one step in taking action on the answers you hear, what would it be?  Don’t judge with the ego/mind what comes up – just receive it without any qualification.  Are you willing to follow through on this step?

We must keep shining, awakening, growing and healing together.  It is always a choice.  What greater spiritual calling could exist than to demonstrate our freedom by unlocking the magnificence of our souls and living into this awareness fully – without judgment but with great heart?

Living with Heart

How does one live a heart-centered life?

For me, it means clearing away the inner debris that blocks the recognition of my soul and ability to live in attunement with my Heart’s inner wisdom and knowing.

I personally have lived in desperate states of addiction, and can say there is nothing more frightening than to lose oneself in the outer world, living in bondage to inner demons.  It used to be impossible for me to sit with myself in my own room and hear the silence.  My addict mind tried everything in its power to escape itself, including men, financial binging, drugs and alcohol.

What I realized in getting through to the other side of this self-destructive world, is the priceless gift of connecting to my center within.  The center will not lie and is the truth that I return to for constant alignment and support.  These are the connection pathways with which I love assisting clients in creating for themselves.  When we know how to lift ourselves out of the ashes, we become sacred companions to ourselves.  Our hearts receive joy, connection, and inspiration simply by the gift of our beings.  The heart then becomes a magnetic force to which our souls yearn to experience more of.

At the end of the day, in my eyes, the physical world is limiting.  We can only go so far.  But consciousness is bountiful and never-ending.  We can access these powerful access points within ourselves.  For me, this means accessing peace no matter what outer circumstance is happening around me.  This is a high order in a society where we’re mostly conditioned to look outside of ourselves for answers and validation.  How ironic that for all the searching externally, the greatest peace is within our own hearts.
    
This center of peace and calm is within us all, and I believe it is all of our divine callings to reside within this place as much as possible.  When we get “off course,” no matter what the issue, I am so grateful for and humbled by the ability to steer myself back home.

Stuck

I was reflecting the other day on how stuck I used to feel with everything in life. At one point, as an active addict, I was stuck in bottles. Stuck in powder. Stuck in addictive cycles and relationships that chained me to patterns I never thought I could break free from.

Over time, once I set these painful addictions down, which was a journey all onto its own, I alarmingly started to see how I could become "stuck" in multiple other ways as a human being on this earth. Stuck in my thinking, obsessive and compulsive behaviors, and cycles of worry and guilt that would leave my stomach churning with the thoughts I was feeding myself. It was still my default mechanism for my brain to play those cards - jealousy, resentment, anger, worry, fear and guilt - and I could play them all too well. Nobody was winning in this equation however except the aspects of my ego that sought to keep me down and play small.

It is only through the work in consciousness that I have learned the process of setting myself free inwardly of these painful patterns. The most powerful learning of all, in my eyes, has been witnessing how breaking free from these limitations lets the power of my own soul to emerge. It has room to breathe and explore. It can bust through the old BS, flourish, shine and "be." Turns out I have a penchant for throwing on costumes in my apartment and dancing to house music (anyone with me?!) What a humbling awareness to recognize I likely never would have REALIZED!! this precious fact if I hadn't done the work to excavate my spirit from within. I would have missed out on the life that is happening within me. I wouldn't have met and rejoiced in consciously greeting the all-encompassing power of my Soul.

The issue of personal universe and discovery holds the greatest interest to me and my heart, and it is the work I love doing with others in assisting them to lay down their limitations so they can experience the freedom of living within. After years of being stuck, feeling the freedom of my inner being is one of the most precious gifts I've ever lived. How can you dip into your own soul today? What makes your soul and spirit feel ALIVE and awakened?

“You have seen my descent. Now watch my rising.”

— Rumi